This week, I will continue the story I began two weeks ago about a season in my life that happened a long time ago.
|Photo by Fabio (Flickr)|
Beginning in my teens, I struggled with self-hate and all that goes with it.
My self-esteem was either determined by what I did or didn’t accomplish, or by what others thought of me at any given time. That driving need to be loved and accepted drove me to unhealthy relationships, which left their emotional scars.
In fact, each time I was hurt, my outlook on life grew dimmer. By the time I was in my twenties, emotional darkness closed in. I seriously wondered if I would survive, mentally.
Psalm 18:28 became one of my favorite verses during that time. “You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light” (NIV 1984).
I clung to that verse! Yet, I found myself constantly slipping back into hopelessness. I knew instinctively that if I didn’t begin to believe that God was actively involved in my circumstances, the darkness would finally overtake me for good. Therefore, I sought Christian counseling and spent as much time as I could praying and reading the Bible.
In time, I was able to see that I needed God to help me desire Him and His love for me more than the love and approval of those around me. I was amazed at how much my outlook brightened when I finally understood what real love looked like.
His Word and presence began reaching into the areas of my life that desperately needed it. I still had a long way to go, but I grew confident that God was at work in my life. (I will conclude my story next week.)
If you’re walking in spiritual or emotional darkness, would you consider meditating on and/or memorizing Psalm 18:28 every day this week? And if I can be of any encouragement, please email me.
Would you like to discuss this further? If so leave a comment or email me (see About tab for my email address).
I will send you the weekly verses, formatted to fit a standard index card. You must be subscribed to the blog, via email. Leave a comment to let me know what translation you prefer.